I have a new guilty pleasure…Channel Four’s First Dates. I am now unashamedly a frequent and compulsive viewer. I find the human behaviour of it all fascinating. The range of nervous hesitation to brazen confidence and then there are those who immediately share all their life secrets to those who could be leading a double life at MI5. I cringe at the awkwardness and my over-romantic heart warms at the success stories.
On a recent episode a couple who were quite possibly only matched on their sheer attractiveness found themselves struggling for conversation. He then asked his stunning date the question: Looks or personality?* Now personally I think this a no-go question area on a first date, go one way and you look shallow, go the other and you look inevitably like a liar.
Because the thing is, it really is about both, granted there are those who may be influenced more by one then the other but I am a firm believer that they can actually influence each other. Have you ever found that after getting to know that rather attractive new girl or guy at work and realising they are either dull, arrogant, or rude that their attractiveness somewhat dwindles? Similarly someone that you hadn’t though too much about who you seem to have perfect banter with suddenly gets more attractive in your eyes?
Ultimately it’s not all about one or the other. If you are in a relationship where you are incredibly attracted to someone but don’t enjoy all the time you spend together, then how long-lasting can that relationship be? Alternatively you can’t just run off with your best friend either just because your personalities are suited, you need to have that spark and that chemistry that comes from attraction and ultimately how you perceive someone to look.
In today’s digital society dating is relying heavily on matching people based on how they look and this can work but it can also be disastrous and devastating to people’s confidence. So what about turning this completely around? Matching only on personality and then bringing looks into it after? Why not? We need to have both in a relationship, a love for who that person is and how they look so why does it matter which comes first?
Textdater is turning the dating game on its head. Have a little faith that you can be matched with someone on your personality first and not just how good your profile picture is.
*First Dates spoiler alert: The beautiful couple unfortunately did not have enough in common to warrant a second date. ‘At least we know we’re not shallow’ she quipped.
Marketing Executive in The Travel Industry
Freelance Writer and Columnist