If your story is anything like mine, you may have had to kiss a few frogs over the years while in search of your prince. The process of finding ‘the one’ can be exhausting. Bad dates full of personalities you don’t like. Faking laughter over jokes that are just not funny. Trying to present yourself in the best possible way all the time. Phew.

In my experience this process becomes even more difficult in large cities where we’re all focused on careers and superficial things like salaries, social hierarchy and what people look like.

The truth is, what I’m going to tell you isn’t much of a secret…it seems too obvious to be considered really brilliant. But in my experience the best advice can almost always be described in this way.

First, I should probably tell you something about why I am even qualified to give this advice. The fact is, I am one of the lucky ones who found my perfect match in London and have been happily with him for eight years. We were married three years ago and have a little one on the way. Our relationship hasn’t been without its troubles – there have been times when he was close to running to his best mate’s house to get away from me and times I just wanted to throw something at him. But even after eight years of relationship with the same person, we are both more in love now and have a deeper relationship than I could have ever hoped for.

So what was our trick? How did we find each other? The best advice that I have ever received on this topic is quite simple: If you want to find the right one, you need to be the right one first.

Many of us have lists of what we want and don’t want in a partner – even if that list is just in our heads. But rather than approaching dating from the perspective of ‘does this person fit the bill’, it may be time to flip your approach on its head and start asking instead ‘am I the kind of person who my ideal partner would be interested in spending time with?’

Here’s what I mean. I wanted to find a man who was ambitious, energetic and active. This type of person usually juggles a lot of different responsibilities at once; balancing friends, dating, work, family, sports and hobbies. This type of person is unlikely to be attracted long-term to a person who is exceptionally needy and requires a lot of attention. So to be the right person for my ideal man, I needed to make sure that I was independent, not demanding and willing to be flexible with my time.

Another example: I wanted to find a man who wasn’t afraid to be creative and try new things. My husband is an entrepreneur, which means he is constantly coming up with new business ideas and running with them. But like many entrepreneurs, he has moment where he doubts himself for doing things that go against the normal grain. For our relationship to work I needed to be the type of person who is patient and supportive. I’ve worked on developing my ability to be open-minded and always positive about what he’s doing. I listen, give supportive advice and am willing to dedicate some of our finances each month to help him to pursue his entrepreneurial pursuits.

To be clear; I am not suggesting that you pretend to be something you’re not. I am suggesting that you actually become a better person in pursuit of your ideal partner. In my experience, spending time developing yourself will go a long way to making sure that when you meet that person, you’ll be well positioned to be attractive to them. Placing the focus on being the right person also ensures that you will naturally attract people who are better suited to you. Relationships are never easy – particularly when they’re long term. But they are usually easier when both parties are constantly examining themselves, their attitudes and habits and working towards being better people individually.

Post By Health & Wellness Researcher Missy Ojigho
Check out her blog : http://thevitalityfamily.com/